Intermission

As I was packing for the next travel from Calicut to Bengaluru, Delhi and Mumbai, I read the word INTERMISSION, in a sports column. Wonder why that particular word caught my attention at the spur of that moment. That’s the way thoughts trigger – I suppose! I called attention of my wife to ask – “aren’t we at an intermission in our lives”. We both concurred – Yes.

As I decided to quit from active professional life, I had felt if trajectory of my life will fall off the track and I used to quiz myself to figure out whether the curtain is about to fall indicating the end game. Battled with this lingering feeling, I looked down upon retirement as I felt I was not yet tired. Thoughts slipped into school and college times when curtain fall in movie theatres indicating “INTERMISSION” on screens. Most people take a detour and find time to discuss and have a snack.

As we enact the life’s drama, an intermission provide us time for a re-visit of what’s already gone behind scenes, and to look forward to see what more? What else?

I underwent a checkup for my eye sight, when most of the small letters displayed could not be read. So what? I wore my glass and could read more and some left as unread. The prescription suggested changing lens and then I will be close to some more of the small letters.

I remembered intermission all over again – it is a recess, a part in between the grandiose lit by the youthful energy and now. I need to breath slowly, re-group and prepare for eventuality. Recently a close friend of mine got admitted to the hospital and we visited him. He smiled before he got into the theater to partially remove a portion of the only kidney he had (other already got removed). I felt at such times in our lives courage comes forth as a weapon.

The proposed travel is once again a leading light that flushes out the past feelings as we engross ourselves with our grandson and two daughters and their families. As I packed things I got lost in yearning, heard voices of children and grandchild. I could hear whispers of hope, prayers of concerns, and giggles of nervousness in anticipation of our visit. I wiped tears from my face, took a deep breath, stood up and smiled and got myself readied for the curtain to rise up – for the sun to rise tomorrow to enjoy the balance of journey.

I thought myself “who am I” – Tried to understand the answer. That took me through an arid count of channels of thought to understand what have I done and what I am planning to perform when the curtain lifts up after intermission.

I studied of the innumerable relations that were developed over a period, number of times I got hurt, felt un-happy and concerned. The snow cap of those thoughts was interesting that made me happier and felt good. As Khalil Gibran said – “What we desire is not always what we get.  Unknowingly many times we get things much more than what we expect……. and these are called – Blessings”

I looked at my old shelves of action and rewards, priorities, likes and dislikes, decisions taken in the spur of those moments and painstakingly went through memories of hurtful relationships to determine what it was that hurt me crushed me and made me feel sad. This resulted in a process of un-learning.  In a slow motion – I let myself go. I accepted my mistakes. I changed my point of view. I found myself wearing a new costume before the rise of curtains at that intermission. I am now free of all the shackles that bound me that did not allow me to fly after the curtain rise.

I resembled a different me as I looked at my mirror image. As Elizabeth Gilbert wrote, “Destiny is a relationship—a play between divine grace and willful self-effort. Half of it you have no control over; half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will show measurable consequence.”

I agreed with my conscience to replace my time table and plans with a SWOT analysis I did – to do my part without shackles of the past and free to draw and play a new role after the intermission. To trust in me – to do what I can.

I tried to look at good and bad. Some I had felt, as “bad” people were bad for me, or it may have been a bad time when I walked away from some of them. I want to hold on to those in my life who will lift me up to new levels. Those who will help me grow from my mistakes and successes.

We need to pass through intermissions at various stages of our lives. Introspection is an exercise of mental mapping where new contours are redrawn.  We need to recognize that rigidity is an interpretation of thoughts. This analysis possibly can be done when we take an intermission and sit back with a cup of tea to review. We need to key in and do an act of “UN-WIND” on ourselves.

“Make your life a mission, not an intermission.” ~Arnold H. Glasgow.

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