We all make choices. At times our choices are with a thought in the background and logical. Sometimes it’s spontaneous and impromptu. I do not know the calculus and algebra of how our mind works.
The other day we made a choice to watch the film “Bajirao Mastani” – partly spontaneous and a bit of afterthought. The film is about Bajirao I, who served as prime minister to the fourth Maratha Emperor Shahu from AD 1720 until his death. Bajirao who was married fell in love with Mastani, daughter of Bundela Rajput, borne by his Persian-Muslim wife Ruhaani Bai who was a court dancer of the Nizam of Hyderabad. Love transcends.
Not long ago we watched another movie “Nee Ende Moideen” (In Malayalam) a real love story just about 60 years ago that happened in Mukkam, Kerala. The real life lover of Moideen is still alive. Love life and love transpires.
Haven’t we heard the term – Love at first sight? It’s the magic of the mind. There are two kinds of decisions we take. One is called a conscious strategy where we take a path of logical thought. The second is called intuitive repulsion. We wonder how we tend to utilize the giant computer in our mind and still fail at times compared to a quick blink decision from gut feelings becomes apt. We live in a world that assumes time taken for analysis and conclusions bear a better result of a decision taken than a snap one. But in our own experience find many choices including love at first sight of Bhajirao, Mastani and Moideen, Kanjana were from feelings, the blink ones!
Look at the righteousness of the issues of conflicts where we seek interventions. The sloping tower of PISA was a fault of design that helped the tower become one of the seven wonders. And the designed slope of the four minarets of the Taj Mahal for a risk cover that included an earthquake is a design factor. These sloping structures are not perfect but people admire, in spite of imperfections. We tend to tilt to imperfections.
One needs to appreciate that as social beings we live in a variety of spaces. There is personal space that is part of ourselves that we are un-willing to share with all. We have a space in our relationships like family; friendship; work; community etc. We set boundaries in our lives. We define boundaries not to constrict, but to enhance their longevity. Mostly these boundaries exist as a conscious or unconscious mind sets. There is no right or wrong boundaries – it depend more on the comfort levels. We want to see the sloping tower of PISA, a tower of imperfection. Nancy Levin stated -“We need to honor the space between no longer and not yet”
Our minds fluctuate. We think of what we want to be and get into a trap of what we feel like. This is the stress we encounter. Secret for handling this is to dwell upon our likes and to learn to be indifferent to our dislikes. Some of us get into the task of spiraling constantly on the unpleasant and disagreeable aspects in our relationships to end up in an agitated exhaustion.
Our brain has ability to change and adapt as a result of experience and is called brain plasticity or neuroplasticity. Earlier it was believed that changes in the brain could only take place during infancy and childhood. But modern research has demonstrated that the brain continues to create new neural pathways and alter existing ones in order to adapt to new experiences, learn new information and create new memories.
Things that we learn from life’s experiences are gratitude, forgiveness and letting go to love and be loved. As we mature, our brains with new re-designated relationships of love and hate allow us to view things less from logical conclusions to more of feeling oriented choices that arise out of quick thoughts. Because feelings also mature over a period of time of give and take, right and wrong, letting go and holding back. Tolerance levels enhance to suppress stress levels in our minds. We tend to accept Bhajirao and Moideen for what they felt like doing from the snap decisions of love that blossomed, in circumstances that probably did not appreciate from a detailed logical analysis and point of socio-cultural views.
Modern researchers have found evidence that brain is able to rewire itself. If our brains can change and adapt, why not our attitudes to reorganize old pathways, create new connections and ideas that change our perspectives?
We all have a variety of problems. Most of it relates to relationship issues. RIGHT questions only provide RIGHT choices. For all problems there is only one solution. For all problems the only solution is right THINKING, whether it is logical or snappy ones.
Make the right choice – be happy.